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Bryan Alzate


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  • Going to meetings at first was weird. I didn’t want to end up one of these people. I mean yea the people were nice but they were weird. Everyone was Alot older than me, the kids around my age didn’t seem to care but I kept going, I had no where else to go. People started to take a liking to me and I started to like them. Of these people were Joey and Sheryl. They had been together for years. I remember hearing Joey speak for the first time and I was on the edge my seat, he’d be screaming and walking up and down the aisles. He had the famous butt naked thanksgiving story where he went to his crack dealers house on thanksgiving and took a hit in the bathroom and walked out butt naked. Sheryl was more reserved but she was a fire cracker. A Newyork city street walker turned nurse. She literally helped thousands of addicts. Together they probably helped more people than anyone I know. Sheryl got sick with cancer and my friends and I went to visit her. She told us her dying wish was to go to Niagara Falls. I’m pleased to say we made that dream come true. She passed away shortly after. Thinking of you guys today.

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  • #repost @united_recovery ・・・ "I left with $20 in my pocket last night. Had two non-alcoholic drinks, tipped $2, and gave $2 on my walk home, ended up with $10. Woke up at 6 clear headed, regret free, didn’t have to scroll through my phone or piece anything together, mouth didn’t taste like shit or feel like I drank sand, there wasn’t any pizza next to my bed, wasn’t worried about my drinking or whether I was addicted. Made coffee, read, recorded an episode with Laura, and I’m off to a yoga class. Whole day is mine. I get asked a lot about how to deal with boredom in sobriety and I think, what could be more fucking boring than spending all our money on something that steals our time, love, happiness, life? What could be more boring than hangovers that last all day and not getting to experience this world as we were made to experience it? What could be more banal than spending money on something that intrinsically makes us forget using it except for the bad parts? I love you. If you’re worried you won’t have a life if you quit, please remember that quitting is an avenue towards the life you have buried inside you that wants to do more than what everyone else is doing. We’ve been sold a complete and utter bullshit lie that alcohol has anything to do with excitement and fun. We are what creates that. We. Not booze. xxoo" - @hipsobriety ✨

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  • My mother texted me my completion of treatment letter randomly last night.... when I went to court my friends never showed up, my mother did. When I got kicked out of school my friends weren’t there, my mother was there. When I got arrested, she was there. When I had drug court, she drove me. When I got sent to military school, she picked me up on the weekends. When everyone gave up on me, including myself, my mother was sitting outside of my door telling me she wasn’t leaving....when I got clean my mother drove me to meetings, when I got medallions my mother gave them to me. If you ask her today if she knew I was going to get clean she’ll say “I always knew Bryan would get clean, I told my husband he was and to just watch”

  • Made it home.

  • needed this

  • I saw Lauren struggles for a few years and got to know her more recently. I wish I could help every single addict and when one passes away I always wonder if i could of done more. Dying from addiction is so senseless once you know that recovery is possible and makes it that much harder dealing with it. Lauren asked me about dealing with people in 12 step programs that are full of Shit and how she can’t fully engage herself because she feels these people trying to help her are also so flawed. Many addicts feel this way, they go to a few meetings and see people lying and still living a dirty lifestyle. I challenge them to go some where that flawed people done exist. Church, work, meetings, where ever you go there are going to be people who have no interest in being there for the right reasons, don’t let that stop you. Instead on focusing on the 99 people who don’t care focus on one who does. Find the god in people and if you can’t be that person. I looked up to a lot of the wrong people when I got clean and It took me along time to find people who were actually in recovery not just around Recovery. At the end of the day I need to take my own inventory and focus on MY recovery not anyone else’s; after all seeing overweight people at the gym doesn’t discourage me from going. We all have different degrees in sickness and rates of recovery. My heart breaks for your family. #Rip Lauren Maina ❤️

  • My friend Brett has been to over 30-40 treatment centers. At first they were nice and then they just became extensions of the jails he was coming from. Towards the end of the road, he found himself back in treatment 37 years old, with a few days clean. At this particular facility they allowed the clients to play basketball outside in the req yard. On his first day there he saw a school of baby ducks, he went inside to get some bread and started feeding them. When they went back inside he was pulled into the directors office with 3 other staff members. They sat him down and said “we know what you did”, Brett looked back at them confused “um what did I do?”. They said “we saw you, you fed the ducks”. Bret started laughing “this is what this is about?? Cause I fed some fucking baby ducks... who cares!”. The director stood up and said “its a city ordinance that we don’t feed the ducks. There’s a sign out there that says ‘please don’t feed the ducks’, technically you’re breaking the law. Brett laughed again and said ‘wow, you people are REALLY crazy, I don’t need this shit” But Brett was looking at jail time, in order to stay the director forced him to write an apology letter to everyone about feeding the ducks. Brett stood up in front of the community and real sarcastically said “I’m SOOOOO SORRY for feeding the ducks ! I must of lost my mind. It must be my addiction. I have done many terrible things in my life but THIS, this is one of the worst! Please accept my apology. LOVE, Brett.” He laughed and everyone laughed and he went back into his room. He was there for 30 days, his therapist recommended he go to a halfway house, get an aftercare plan and at least go to meetings. Brett said “yea, yea, sure sure, ofcourse” But ofcourse Brett did none of those things and He ended up getting an apartment with some other guy in there and they did a credit card scam together and end up getting arrested. Brett does another year and a day in prison. a year later back at the same treatment center, the director walks in and recognizes him right away and says “ah! Brett! Good to see you again ! Try not to feed the ducks this time.”

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  • If somebody went to the gym everyday but wasn’t losing weight what would you think? Would you think the gym doesn’t work and the gym is full of shit?... of course not, you’d think that the person is probably 1. Not Eating healthy or 2. Going to the gym with zero guidance, not pushing themselves hard enough.... I believe the same to be true with recovery. If you’ve been introduced to meetings and have had a sponsor and still find yourself relapsing it may simply be that you need to try harder. You need to invest more, dig deeper, focus and give it every thing you got. When it gets to be too much and you think you’re gunna die that’s when you turn into it and not away from it, absorb it and go harder... my first few years clean I dedicated almost every waking second to changing my life. Drastic change calls for drastic measures. Getting clean is the easy part, staying clean is a full time job.

  • When my drug dealer hung up the phone he would say “ok, Dalè”. Which was unusual to me because all my friends said “Ight peace” or “Ight, one”. During my using I had a lot of drug dealers but this one drug dealer was interesting. He spoke barely any English. He drove a blue dodge SRT8. At the time the SRT8 was the baddest car you could get. He was probably 20-23 years old. He kept yay in his center console and would unscrew it when he served you up and in there would be a digi (scale), a gun, and usually a half O of yay. That’s what we called it, yay, yayo, white, soft, and when it was good it was that “funky yay”. My friend Tony adapted this “Dalè” and stared saying it all the time. It was funny, almost everyone was saying it. This was before Pitbull. We were part of a scene. Everyday was like something out of a movie, or at least to us it was. We watched Paid in Full and sold yay, we were rockstars. The movie Blow had just came out and we emerged ourselves in it, feeling like little Pablos with 8 balls in our socks. Anyone who wasn’t apart of the scene were considered “herbs”, lames who listened to their parents. I was 14 years old, I was serving up 20 year olds in college, I had a fake ID, I was going down town, clubs in miami, blue martini, but eventually the clubs got boring and I found myself diving deeper into addiction. Eventually we all got arrested and got addicted to other drugs as well. The amount of drugs we sold became less and less and the amount we did became more and more. The truth was we weren’t tough kids, we were punk kids from good neighborhoods. From Weston, Davie and Pembroke Pines. A few months ago my childhood friend Tony died of an overdose. I think about him all the time. I think about his family. I regret not doing more. I think about how stupid we were. I think about all the times we could of gone to prison for half the stuff we did. All the times we dodged death and just laughed like it was a joke. Today I go to sleep at 10pm. I don’t go to clubs. I enjoy working. I see my family every Sunday for brunch and I am so grateful they are in my life. most gangster shit I ever did was get clean.

  • When my drug dealer hung up the phone he would say “ok, Dalè”

  • A few hours ago this room was packed with 50 men recovering from their addiction at the only state run facility in Broward County. This is not the typical Florida drug rehab. These are addicts who are usually above 35 years old, have been on a waiting list for weeks, or sitting in jail cells waiting for a bed. I first walked in here at the age of 17 with my first sponsor. I had 3 months clean, I would sit and watch for 3 more months until I started to bring in my own meeting. When we would walk in the entire room would stand and clap, people would thank us for 20 minutes after the meeting was done, hugging us and telling us how much they looked forward to this every week. At the time I felt I had nothing to offer anyone, I was in no position of helping people. I just sat and watched. I saw my sponsor capture the entire room, standing up and yelling, gettin their attention, making them laugh, telling them what they needed to hear, ever so often some of them would nod and say “that’s some real shit”. As time went on and I got my own meeting I would see my child hood friends in this county run rehab. I seen friends I used with, friends I robbed, friends I played football with in my backyard. I don’t care how busy life gets, how much I don’t feel like going on some days, how sometimes I feel like someone else should do it, but when I walk into this place I have never left feeling like everything is going to be ok and I’m grateful to just be alive. My parents think I do this to help other people. Helping other people might be a side effect of this, but I do this to help me; after all I don’t want to forget that there was a time when all I wanted for Christmas was not to be sick

  • Glad I don’t have to live like that any more

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  • Today I got to witness 10 addicts get baptized. Addicts with less than 30 days clean. Addicts who just 30 days ago couldn’t imagine living 30 minutes without drugs, addicts who 30 days ago couldn’t fathom living in the hell they created for another 30 minutes. Addicts who 30 days ago thought they would die like this and had accepted that.... I do not identify myself as a Christian but I identify myself as a recovering addict who wants to constantly seek out a higher power in my everyday life. Whether it’s Buddhism, Christianity, AA, NA, nature, science. What ever station someone chooses to tune into doesn’t matter, I just want to encourage the pursuit of it. Last night I had court side seats to a basketball game. Something people dream of and maybe I could appreciate it more if I was more into sports. Today I had a feeling of fulfillment that I simply don’t get any where else, the same fulfillment I sought through drugs. Sitting court side is fun but today we had court side seats to god’s backyard. Thank you @heartwaychurch for this.